My Spiritual Journey

I I have been on a spiritual journey all my life. Looking for answers down a variety of paths. Now I feel that I may have come full circle . . . in a sense. Let me explain.

I was raised Catholic. I was baptized as a baby, attended catechism classes as a child, received the sacraments of the Eucharist and Confirmation. I was married in the Catholic church and baptized my two eldest children. However, as a child, from my recollection, we attended church rarely. Usually only on the big holidays like Christmas, Easter and maybe Ash Wednesday. When I was attending college and was living on my own I began attending church more regularly, but was still not consistent.

After our first child was born we moved halfway across the country. The only family we had was my husbands brother's family. We became very close, but I was still stuck at home with no car, and soon not one, but two babies. My husband worked long hours and I was isolated and alone. I was a shy small town girl living in the suburbs of a big city. We rarely if ever attended church, but had our second child baptized to appease my husbands parents.

Several homes later I began searching again for a spiritual outlet. I knew that there were/are a great number of Christian religions . . . but which one is the right one - the true one. I prayed that God would give me a sign as to what path I should take spiritually. I thought I received and answer to that prayer when the Jehovah Witnesses arrived at my front door. Every time I prayed for an answer they would show up. I decided to listen to what they had to say. The more I listened, the more intrigued I became.

As a Catholic, I was never really exposed to the Bible. Yes, I heard the readings in church - snippets taken from the Bible, but I had never heard of actually reading the Bible. I began to study with a wonderful Jehovah Witness woman. She became a friend. She taught me many things and backed them up with the Bible. I remember even going with her to the library to do research. Of course, my family was not ecstatic about my new found knowledge. My mother was concerned I was being brainwashed. That perhaps the Jehovah Witnesses was more of a cult. My husband felt I was harming our children by sharing my knowledge with them. In the end I feel it nearly ended my marriage.

My husband encouraged me to keep an open mind and to check deeper into the Jehovah Witnesses before I proceeded. I ran across a book entitled " Crisis of Conscience." I hesitate to even mention it here as I do not want to be the reason anyone loses their faith. It is devastating. Needless to say, after reading the book. I was exactly that - devastated. I felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me. I could no linger believe the way I had believed as a child and young adult, because of what I had learned while studying with the Jehovah Witnesses. After reading the book, I could no longer trust in the beliefs of the Jehovah Witnesses either. I felt lost.

I have often thought about the statement "Knowledge is Power". But in some of my experiences, I think it would almost be easier not to know.

After hitting rock bottom spiritually I had no idea were to go. I tried the pagan path, the Wiccan path and read about a variety of religions. I had no history with these religions, however, and therefore I did not know how to make them a part of my life. I floundered. After time I came to a peaceful place where I finally came to terms with some of my beliefs. I believed, at that time, that there was a God. I believed that all the religions of the Earth worshiped that same God, but that they did it in different ways. I believed all these different religions were just all paths to the same God. He just came to them in ways they could understand, hence the different but very similar religions of the world - at least some of them.

Well, many years later, my teenage daughter started attending a local church and participating in their youth group. My youngest daughter also started asking more and more questions about God and drawing extraordinary pictures of him. Once again I see it all as I sign. Perhaps it is time for me to return to my Christian roots. To start studying the word of the Lord again and see where it leads me.

I am a firm believer in "Things happen for a Reason". So my journey continues as does my search.

Blogger's Block

I have always been good at coming up with the ideas and making the resolutions, but not so great with the follow through and the completion. Many projects sit unfinished (too many just in my line of vision as I sit here at the computer). I started blogging over two years ago and I have never really been consistent with it. It seems to take more time than I have to dedicate to it.

Then there is the never-ending dilemma of whether to make it an open blog or a closed blog. Sometimes I am open to sharing and would love to have the input of anyone who wants to give it. Other times, I would love input from anonymous people. People who do not really know me or my family. And then there are those times when I want to have this blog completely private, but then why am I doing it at all. If I do not want to share it I could just get a pen and some paper and start a journal. Hence my dilemma. I am an all or nothing kind of gal. Either I do this blog thing right, or I do not want to do it at all. The only problem is that I can not figure out what right is.

Total Money Makeover

My husband and I got to go to the Dave Ramsey show yesterday and I have to admit it was a ton of fun! Not to mention how informative it all was.

I tend to be what Dave calls a nerd and my husband is more of a free spirit, so we do not always agree on what our budget should look like. I think, though, with Dave's system, we can come to mutual ground and get to a much better place financially. I am so excited about getting started - even though we have been kinda doing this for a year already. We are on board together and even though it will be a long haul, I am anxious to see where we will be two, three, and five years from now.

Brutally Honest

I was told by my sister some time back that she could always rely on me to be brutally honest. HOnestly, she must not know me very well. My kids and husband laugh at this label as they know that I am one to tread lightly and rarely say it how it is (if ever).

Well, tonight, I decided to live up to my unearned nickname. I recevied a text message from the single dad next door. Here is how it read:
I'm trying to arrange a sleepover for (his daughter's name). She's been asking to me to ask you if she can spend the night. I'm ok with it if you are. What do you think about Saturday night?

I seem to live on some alien planet called "the good ole days", Here on planet TGOD we do not invite ourselves over to other people's houses. We do not play in other people's yards. We hold hands when we cross the road or when in a parking lot. We say please and thank you. We do not open the refrigerator at other people's homes to see if they have anything I may want. etc, etc.

So I saddled up my brutally-honest pony and took it for a trot around the coral. Here is my response:
We do not do sleepovers yet at this age. I am also working on teaching Chloe that if she invites herself to someone's house or does not ask me first before inviting someone over, then it is an automatic no for her and her friends.

It felt pretty good when I sent it.

His response: Wow ok

Hmmm . . . rethinking my decision on brutal honesty.

Overparenting

I subscribe to way more blogs than I care to admit. These blogs are about a variety of different things: homeschooling, art, photography, cooking and some blogs that I can not remember how I stumbled upon them, but I just love to read what they are sharing. One of these blogs is This Girl Loves to Talk. I have never commented on her blog, but I have been reading it for quite some time. One of her recent posts was about 'Free Range Kids'. I have saved it as I intend to carve out some time to read the articles that she links to in her post, but until then, I have been thinking. Thinking about my parenting style.

Anyone who knows me knows I am definitely not a 'Free Range' parent. I have been called over-protective more than once in my life. It was a badge I proudly wore . . . but now, after reading This Girl Loves to Talk's blog post, I am wondering if I am somehow damaging my kids. Perhaps it is a little late to address this issue as I have been a parent for nearly 18 years, so more poor teens . . . well, there is not hope. If they are damaged by my faulty parenting style, well, it is too late for them. One would think after 18 years of parenting I would be settled in my parenting style. I would feel secure with my decisions and choices I make for my kids. hardy har har. Fat chance. I think I read to much. Where are my blinders?

So, on to the question - Am I an over-protective parent?

Strawberry Shortcake

Yummmm! This was absolutely delicious! I am so thrilled with absolutely every recipe I have made from Pioneer Woman. They are all recipes that my family has enjoyed and they all seem so simple. I can even do it.


Now, granted, my cake looks as though it is wounded, but in reality it is just seeping strawberry goodness.

Spring Fever

It is becoming more and more of a challenge to get school completed with the little one. Spring is calling to us. Yesterday, rather than doing math and science, we spent the day outdoors blowing bubbles, checking our garden, enjoying the azalea bushes, and checking all of the trees for new buds.

Not to mention Chloe's inheritance of six caterpillars from the neighbor. She is loving them and treating them like her little babies. Lots of visits to them to get them out and let them 'play'. I am just not sure what kind of caterpillar they are, so we will need to do some research to be sure they are getting what they need.

MNO a.k.a. Mom's Night Out

Once a month I am blessed to be able to take a night away from the family and go out with a friend or two. Whether we go out to dinner, enjoy a movie or take a class, it is helps to fill my mommy gas tank. It is amazing what a night spent away can do to my energy reserves. I am a homeschooling mother, so my children are with me 24/7 - just the way I like it. We are an extremely close family, especially for this day and age. We actually like spending time together. We laugh. We talk. We play. That being said, as a homeschooling mother, I am always 'on'. On duty. On call. When I am able to take a night away, to be off duty, it helps to refresh me and enable me to be a better mother and wife. It is wonderful to be able to talk to other mom's about all things 'mom'. It helps to know that others experiences the same things. That none of us are perfect. That we are all just doing the best we can for our families. For our children.

This month we went to Outback for our Mom's Night Out. I was giddy knowing I would be able to have their seared tuna. Seared tuna is divine. The mixture of the tuna with the peppery crust. Yum! Yum! Yes, I know it is raw tuna in the middle, but that just means it is even healthier for you to eat -  it has the natural enzymes it requires to be digested. Yum, Yum!!

Of course, afterward, I had to go get groceries at late-thirty. I detest shopping. I really do, but if I have to do it, I would rather do it when no one else is there. The quicker I can sprint through the store the sooner I can get out of there.

Pollen

W
e have been in the highest pollen count range according to weather.com for the past 2 to 3 weeks - you can see it in the pansy photos below and all over my air vents in my car. I am already running the air conditioner as I have to keep all of the windows and doors closed to keep out as much pollen as I can. That being said, when I emptied my vacuum canister this week, the contents were dusted with a light shading of yellow. 
Daggum sneaky pollen! 
I have never been bothered by allergies like I have been this spring. Sneezing, red eyes, lung tightness. I am so ready for a fierce thunderstorm to wash it all away . . . but could the nice temperatures stay around so we can actually go outside and enjoy them?

Making Greetings

Iam in love with these new - well, new to me - scrapbook greeting cards kits by Basic Grey. Each kit includes everything you need to make 8 cards, plus extra pieces to use to embellish the insides or to use on any project of your choosing. All of the pieces are numbered so they are so simple to put together. Maybe a little too simple for those of us who love to get the creative juices flowing, but sometimes it is nice to not have to think and for perfectionists like my daughter, it is so beneficial in reducing the stress factor. Remember the old paint by numbers sets? Well, this is basically scrapbooking by number. There are even black-and-white detailed instructions and the packaging is a full color display of all the completed cards. So no mater what your style: like to read and follow instructions, like to follow a color sample, or like to just figure it out buy punching out all of the numbers - this card set seems to work for everyone.

I was lucky enough to be able to take a class with a close friend at a local Archivers. While putting together our cards, I thought what a fun activity it would be to do with our two teenage daughters. Well, we have not been able to work out the timing on that, but I was able to set aside a day during our break this week - a wet and blustery day - and do a kit with Sierra. I had another kit I got at the clearance scrapbook place for under $2, so I set Chloe up to work on that one. Of course, she ran with it and used all of her extra pieces to make several cards of her own - she is just bursting with creativity. We all had a lot of fun. There is nothing better than being creative and encouraging it in others. Plus, there was ice cream as a reward for all of our hard work.

The kits are $14.99 at Archivers. If you use there 30% off coupon, which why would you not, cuz they email them to ya almost every week, it runs about $1.31 per card excluding tax. I know I pay way more than that when I get cards, and let me tell ya, we have a lot of cards to get.

He Loves Me . . . Really

I am not sure who dreads shaving day more, me or Napoleon. It is sweaty and back-breaking for me - imagine sitting on a tile floor hunched over a doggy for two hours. For Napoleon it is stressful and requires lots of panting, trembling and growling (aka. calling his mom dirty names). Neither of us enjoy the process. As I am sure you can tell by the dirty look he is giving me.

I used to actually cut the hair of everyone in my family, husband, son, two daughters and myself. I began cutting my husbands hair when we were dating. Why? I surely do not remember or maybe I have chosen to forget. Shorty into my adult life, after more than one bad haircut, I began cutting my own hair and have done so ever since. Of course, it only seemed natural to then go on to cut my kids' hair. After child number three was born, something in me changed . . . well, actually a number of things, but we will not go into that now . . . and I just dreaded it and flat out refused to do it anymore. Not really.

I started taking the dog to a groomer. Whodathunk it? I sent the husband and two eldest off to hair professionals. Of course, I still continued to do my own hair, you can not cure a control freak over night ya, know. But, alas, the groomer did not work out. Poor quality; poor treatment of the pets they were entrusted to care for; and lets face it, Napoleon is an old man and terrified of hair cuts. So, who better than to go through the trauma with him then his mama.

Believe me when I say if it was not in his best interest, I would just skip it all together and deal with the faux dog fur clothing that I am inevitably wearing on a daily basis, but the poor thing has started getting hot spots in his old age. No brushing or diet change can seem to eliminate the problem. But, a two hour session with the clippers does the trick every time. So, for the past three years I have not cut anyone's hair but mine and the dog's. (I swear mine looks better than his does when I am finished. But that is only because I cooperate and he does not.)

Disclaimer: Do not attempt to do this to your own dog if he has access to a mirror.

Spring Break Me

We are officially on spring break this week. What does that mean? The teens are free from academics. Lucky them. Chloe and I are still doing some light schooling. I can not have her forgot all that we have learned in the last six weeks now can I?

***Hi. My name is Shelby. I am a control freak.

I, however, get to use the week to do all things that I loathe that I just do not have time to accomplish during our busy homeschool weeks.
Shaving the dog.
Trimming the Crepe Myrtles.
Doing our taxes.

Oh, I am sure there is more, but I am trying to stay positive by blocking the negative until tomorrow. So I am officially naming this week Spring Break Me. It is a self-induced break created for leisure, but instead is being formed against my will into an evil plot to break me, but I refuse to let it. I will plug along and try to cheer myself on for conquering all those tasks that I hate.

At least that is what my wise-beyond-her-years, 16 year old daughter told me to do.

Somewhere Else

I find myself these days never living in the the moment. I am always off onto the next task while still involved in the current task.

When I am doing school with the kids, I am thinking about what I have to get done before dinner.

When I am cooking dinner I am thinking of what I have to get accomplished before putting booster seat to bed.

While I am putting booster seat to bed, I am thinking about "meeting time" with my husband - a new plan I have come up with so we get alone time each day to talk away from the kids. Why did I not think of this sooner. 17 years? Really?



While having meeting time with my husband I find myself thinking of the school plans I need to make for tomorrow and of course, while preparing the school work for the following day I am thinking of the book I would like to be reading instead.

I feel so guilty for never living in the moment, for not committing my full attention and spirit to each moment and the ones that I share each moment with.

Does this mean that I am not fulfilled? Am I selfish? Spoiled?


Whatever this means, I am thankful.

Thankful that I have seen it and will now be able to work on appreciating the moments I have while I have them.

Time

I can not believe it is already the first of November. This year has passed by so quickly.

I have come to realize that as one ages time speeds up. As a baby, a moment can seem like forever; as a toddler, a day can be an eternity, and as a child, having to wait for something that will happen next week can be torture. As we age, we grow more and more patient until we are not sure were yesterday went and before we know it is tomorrow.

Cherish every moment!

One of the Scariest Moments of my Life

I have heard many times about how when one comes face to face with a life or death situation time slows down and images of your life flash before your eyes.

This past Sunday, I had such a situation happen to me. I did not have the images of my life flashing before my eyes, as I was to busy focusing on getting someone to help me, but time did appear to slow down to the point that I now question the things I knew to be true at that time. Let me explain . . .

Brent and Dakota were working moving things to the new office on Sunday, so I was home alone with girls. Sierra had recital photos and we needed to run to Wal-Mart to get our weekly essentials. I decided while we were out to take the girls out to lunch, as that is our Sunday tradition as a family.

We went to LaParilla, Sierra and my favorite Mexican restaurant. Shortly after our food was delivered and we began eating, I began to choke. I took a drink, which only exacerbated the problem. I was unable to breathe. I made the choking sign to Sierra, who was sitting across the table from me with Chloe; I could tell by the look on her face that she understood, but she was in a state of panic.

Before I go on, let me tell you some things about me, which I am sure you already know. I am easily embarrassed and find it extremely difficult, if not painful, to approach people I do not know, let alone for help. Heck, it is hard for me to approach people I am close to for help. I should be able to handle all things myself. Right? Not to mention, putting my child into such a scary situation and then asking for help, that I know she is unable to give. Knowing that you are unable to breathe, throws all of these rationalities and fears aside; the awesome need to breathe is all you care about at that moment. So, on with the story . . .

Knowing Sierra would be unable to help me, I got up from our booth, which was located at the very front of the restaurant, and walked over to the Hostess station. There were a couple of groups waiting to be seated and the hostess. I made the choking sign to a middle-aged woman, whom was the first to make eye contact with me. She just looked at me blankly. I then turned to the hostess, who is just a young girl, maybe in her early twenties, and make the choking sign again. She asked me if I was okay; I shook my head no. At this time, a gentleman approached me from my other side and I could tell he was debating on whether to give me the Heimlich maneuver. He began to put his arms around my middle and then stopped. All am I thinking at this point is. ‘Is no one going to help me?’

How long as this took, I do not know. How it all looked to poor Sierra and Chloe in the booth, I do not know. All I know is that by some act of God, I began to cough. I coughed up liquid (tea) all over my hand. The gentleman who was about to apply the Heimlich asked if I could breathe now, I nodded yes, as I began to couch more and more. Eventually I coughed up a bunch of food and more tea right onto the floor in front of the hostess station. I was so relieved and shaking at this point. I just stood there not knowing what to do.

I looked around and apologized to the people standing there and returned to my table. Sierra was hugging Chloe and began to cry. After a couple of minutes of talking to her and letting her know I was okay, and of course, trying to make light of the situation that I was now feeling embarrassment about, I went to the ladies room to wash my hands.

When I returned to the table, I did not eat anymore, but I tried to allow Sierra and Chloe time to finish up. We ended up getting to-go boxes, paid our ticket and left. We had to have been at the restaurant for another 15 or 20 minutes. I was never approached by anyone, including the staff, to see if I was okay. Did they even know that I was choking? This I believe terrifies me almost as much as the choking itself; the lack of response of anyone.

Later that evening as I kept reliving the horrifying event in my mind, I could not help but realize the amount of time it seemed to take from the moment I began to choke until I actually coughed. It seems like an eternity to me. It is hard for me to fathom that I was not breathing that entire time. Perhaps I was still able to breathe and just had food lodged in my throat. Perhaps I just panicked.

My body knows this not true. It took over and did what it had to do in order to get air to breathe, to live. My mind slowed down in order to think as clearly as it could in the panicked state so as to take the best action possible. Our bodies are amazing vessels as are our minds.

Moral of the story: Teach everyone you know the Heimlich maneuver and learn how to perform it on yourself.