I I have been on a spiritual journey all my life. Looking for answers down a variety of paths. Now I feel that I may have come full circle . . . in a sense. Let me explain.
I was raised Catholic. I was baptized as a baby, attended catechism classes as a child, received the sacraments of the Eucharist and Confirmation. I was married in the Catholic church and baptized my two eldest children. However, as a child, from my recollection, we attended church rarely. Usually only on the big holidays like Christmas, Easter and maybe Ash Wednesday. When I was attending college and was living on my own I began attending church more regularly, but was still not consistent.
After our first child was born we moved halfway across the country. The only family we had was my husbands brother's family. We became very close, but I was still stuck at home with no car, and soon not one, but two babies. My husband worked long hours and I was isolated and alone. I was a shy small town girl living in the suburbs of a big city. We rarely if ever attended church, but had our second child baptized to appease my husbands parents.
Several homes later I began searching again for a spiritual outlet. I knew that there were/are a great number of Christian religions . . . but which one is the right one - the true one. I prayed that God would give me a sign as to what path I should take spiritually. I thought I received and answer to that prayer when the Jehovah Witnesses arrived at my front door. Every time I prayed for an answer they would show up. I decided to listen to what they had to say. The more I listened, the more intrigued I became.
As a Catholic, I was never really exposed to the Bible. Yes, I heard the readings in church - snippets taken from the Bible, but I had never heard of actually reading the Bible. I began to study with a wonderful Jehovah Witness woman. She became a friend. She taught me many things and backed them up with the Bible. I remember even going with her to the library to do research. Of course, my family was not ecstatic about my new found knowledge. My mother was concerned I was being brainwashed. That perhaps the Jehovah Witnesses was more of a cult. My husband felt I was harming our children by sharing my knowledge with them. In the end I feel it nearly ended my marriage.
My husband encouraged me to keep an open mind and to check deeper into the Jehovah Witnesses before I proceeded. I ran across a book entitled " Crisis of Conscience." I hesitate to even mention it here as I do not want to be the reason anyone loses their faith. It is devastating. Needless to say, after reading the book. I was exactly that - devastated. I felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me. I could no linger believe the way I had believed as a child and young adult, because of what I had learned while studying with the Jehovah Witnesses. After reading the book, I could no longer trust in the beliefs of the Jehovah Witnesses either. I felt lost.
I have often thought about the statement "Knowledge is Power". But in some of my experiences, I think it would almost be easier not to know.
After hitting rock bottom spiritually I had no idea were to go. I tried the pagan path, the Wiccan path and read about a variety of religions. I had no history with these religions, however, and therefore I did not know how to make them a part of my life. I floundered. After time I came to a peaceful place where I finally came to terms with some of my beliefs. I believed, at that time, that there was a God. I believed that all the religions of the Earth worshiped that same God, but that they did it in different ways. I believed all these different religions were just all paths to the same God. He just came to them in ways they could understand, hence the different but very similar religions of the world - at least some of them.
Well, many years later, my teenage daughter started attending a local church and participating in their youth group. My youngest daughter also started asking more and more questions about God and drawing extraordinary pictures of him. Once again I see it all as I sign. Perhaps it is time for me to return to my Christian roots. To start studying the word of the Lord again and see where it leads me.
I am a firm believer in "Things happen for a Reason". So my journey continues as does my search.
No comments:
Post a Comment